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It was a very awkward moment first time sex usually always is , but this first time for me will probably go down in my personal history as my absolute most awkward first time sex moment.

In hindsight, I should have known what was coming because he actually warned me with a big red flag right before he started. He got on top of me and then looked at me and said the words, "Let me know if I hurt you, babe.

If another man in the future ever says those words to me before we begin having sex, I'm kicking him in the throat and rolling out of that bed as fast as you can say the word "jackhammer.

I remember looking up at the ceiling and thinking to myself of the subtle ways I could try and change the gears a little, so I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and pulled him in closer.

This worked against me; it did nothing but excite him even more and he took this as a sign to speed up. Like one of those toy koalas from a novelty store that you clip onto things, I held on to him for dear life.

Fearful of whiplash, he bucked back and fourth like a wild bronco. I was so very thankful there wasn't a mirror placed next to the bed in the hotel room because I can only imagine what we would have looked like.

Now, when a girl is being jackhammered by an energizer bunny, the only thought that runs through her head is "Please end. May their vaginas rest in peace.

How long the sex lasted for, ironically, wasn't the problem. But how the jackhammering ended is what the horrible part was.

His penis fell out three times because it was transitioning back to its original flaccid form. He nervously tried to stuff the poor thing back in each time.

Over and over I watched in horror as he tried to keep his little jackhammer alive. I can't even begin to describe to you how awkward this was.

Firstly, I knew he had finished 60 seconds ago; I felt it. And thirdly, I was really sad for him because I could see that he was embarrassed about what had happened.

We stayed up all night talking about other things, as if nothing had ever happened. I never saw him in person again after that night, and I will always wonder if the bad sex was the reason why.

How I wish things could have played out differently. I wish the sex could have been amazing so we could have ended our relationship on a high note.

But now the pretty blue-eyed boy will forever be known as "the jackhammer who pulled a ninja on me and pretended not to orgasm.

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Firstly, I knew he had finished 60 seconds ago; I felt it. And thirdly, I was really sad for him because I could see that he was embarrassed about what had happened.

We stayed up all night talking about other things, as if nothing had ever happened. I never saw him in person again after that night, and I will always wonder if the bad sex was the reason why.

How I wish things could have played out differently. I wish the sex could have been amazing so we could have ended our relationship on a high note.

But now the pretty blue-eyed boy will forever be known as "the jackhammer who pulled a ninja on me and pretended not to orgasm.

That's just how life goes, I guess. You fall for someone who isn't right for you, and the universe tells you this by sending in the jackhammer.

Maybe this is fate's way of making you laugh even when it hurts. This article was originally published at Tumblr.

Reprinted with permission from the author. Sign in. Join YourTango Experts. Photo: weheartit. B Eagleton. This is the sexual act of a male using quick, hard pumps to penetrate and conquer any orafice.

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